Sam, Pick Oop Tha' Musket

SAM, PICK OOP THA’ MUSKET
by Stanley Holloway (1929)

It occurred on the evening before Waterloo
And troops were lined up on t'Parade,
And Sergeant inspecting 'em, he was a terror
Of whom every man was afraid -

All excepting one man, who was in the front rank,
A man by the name of Sam Small,
And 'im and the Sergeant were both 'daggers drawn';
They thought 'nowt' of each other at all.

As Sergeant walked past he was swinging ‘is arm,
And he happened to brush against Sam,
And knocking his musket clean out of his hand
It fell to the ground with a slam.

"Pick it oop," said Sergeant, abrupt like but cool,
But Sam with the shake of his head
Said, "Seeing as tha' knocked it out of me 'and,
P'raps tha'll pick the thing oop instead."

"Sam, Sam, pick oop tha' musket,"
The Sergeant exclaimed with a roar.
Sam said, "Tha' knocked it down, Reet! then tha'll pick it oop,
Or it stays where it is, on't floor."

The sound of high words
Very soon reached the ears of an Officer, Lieutenant Bird,
Who says to the Sergeant, "Now what's all this 'ere ?"
And the Sergeant told what had occurred.

"Sam, Sam, pick oop tha' musket,"
Lieutenant exclaimed with some heat.
Sam said, "He knocked it down, Reet! then he'll pick it oop,
Or it stays where it is, at me feet."

It caused quite a stir when the Captain arrived
To find out the cause of the trouble;
And every man there, all excepting Old Sam,
Was full of excitement and bubble.

"Sam, Sam, pick oop tha' musket,"
Said Captain, for strictness renowned.
Sam said, "He knocked it down, Reet! then he'll pick it oop,
Or it stays where it is on t'ground."

The same thing occurred when the Major and Colonel
Both tried to get Sam to see sense,
But when Old Duke o' Wellington came into view
Well, then the excitement was tense.

Up rode the Duke on a lovely white 'orse,
To find out the cause of the bother;
He looks at the musket and then at Old Sam
And he spoke to Old Sam like a brother,

"Sam, Sam, pick oop tha' musket,"
The Duke said, as quiet as could be,
"Sam, Sam, Sam, pick oop tha' musket,
Coom on lad - just to please me."

"Alright, Duke," said Old Sam, "just for thee I'll oblige,
And to show thee I meant no offence."
So Sam picked it up. "Gradely, lad," said the Duke,
"Right-o boys, let battle commence."