by Stanley Holloway (1931)
Private Samuel Small
Were up before his Captain
To explain away a brawl.
The Captain said, "Now state yer case,
But please be short and brief,
Tell everything that happened
To the best of your belief."
"Well now," said Sam, "it's like this 'ere
Me and some other chaps
Had a little celebration
And a drink or two perhaps.
"It happened to be me birthday,
And on counting out I found
I'd got enough out of me pay
To have one each apiece all round.
"We drank 'em up, no heeltaps,
And then the same again,
'Here's a health unto his Majesty,'
We sang, 'Long may he reign.'
"With chorus after chorus
We made the walls resound,
And then to keep things going
We had one each apiece all round.
"It were nearly time for lights out
And getting rather late,
We had no money left for drinks
So we put 'em on the slate.
"Suddenly out went the lights
Without the slightest warning,
We all trooped out but not without
A bottle for the morning.
"Across the barrack square we went
As bold as any gentry.
It was a lark when in the dark
We come across a Sentry.
" 'Alt, who goes there ?' the Sentry cried,
We firmly stood our ground.
'It's only Sam,' I cried, 'and we've had
One each apiece all round,
" 'We've been drinking .... drinking .... drinking.'
We got into the barrack room and started to undress,
Just then the Sergeant came along,
Straight from the Sergeants' Mess.
"We shut the door, sat on the floor,
We never made a sound
And to finish up me birthday,
We had one each apiece all round."
"Well Private Small," said Captain,
"I shall have to punish thee;
You will get ten days C.B."
"Ten days C.B.," said Samuel,
"That's heavy I'll be bound."
Said Captain, "Split among your pals,
It's one each apiece all round."