Friday, 12 June 2009

Albert's Reuinion with The Lion

This monologue is not well known and I doubt whether it was recorded by Stanley Holloway - but it makes up the trilogy.

by Stanley Holloway (1978)

You've heard of Albert Ramsbottom,
And Missus Ramsbottom and Dad,
And the trouble the poor Lion went to
Trying to stomach the lad.

Now after the Lion disgorged him,
Quite many a day had gone by;
But the Lion just sat there and brooded
With a far away look in his eye.

The Keepers could 'nowt' do with Lion
He seemed to be suffering pain,
He seemed to be fretting for summat,
And the curl went out of his mane.

He looked at his food and ignored it,
Just gazed far away into space;
When Keepers tried forcible feeding
They got it all back in their face.

And at Mister and Missus Ramsbottom's
The same kind of thing had begun -
And though they tried all sorts of measures,
They couldn't rouse Albert, their son.

Now Mister Ramsbottom got fed up
With trying to please him in vain,
And said, "If you don't start to buck up
I'll take you to Lion again."

Now instead of the lad getting frightened
And starting to quake at the knees,
He seemed to be highly delighted
And shouted, "Oh, Dad, if you please."

His Father thought he had gone potty,
His Mother went nearly insane,
But Albert just stood there and bellowed,
"I want to see Lion again."

Now Mister and Missus Ramsbottom
Decided the best thing to do,
Was to give way to Albert
And take him staight'way back to Zoo.

The moment the Lion saw Albert,
'Twere the first time for weeks it had stirred:
It moved the left side of its whiskers,
Then lay on its back and just purred.

And before anybody could stop him,
Young Albert were stroking its paws;
And whilst the crowd screamed for the Keepers
The little lad opened its jaws.

The crowd by this time were dumbfounded,
His mother was out to the wide,
But they knew by the lumps and the bulges
That Albert were once more inside.

Then all of a sudden the Lion
Stood up and let out a roar;
And Albert, all smiling and happy,
Came out with a thud on the floor.

The crowd by this time were all cheering,
And Albert stood there looking grand
With his stick with the 'orse's 'ead 'andle
Clutched in his young chubby hand.

The Lion grew so fond of Albert
He couldn't be parted from lad;
And so the Zoological Keepers
Sent round a note to his Dad.

"We regret to say Lion is worried
And pining for your little man,
So sending you Lion tomorrow,
Arriving in plain covered van."

And if you call round any evening,
I'll tell you just what you will see -
Albert is reading to Lion in bed.
And what is he reading ?


  1. Awwww! This is such a happy ending...Smiles all around! And so, I leave Plato's Procratinations today with happy ponderings! Cheers!~Janine

  2. I love this. I can hear the 'Brit' accent as I read it.

  3. I jumped over to your other site too and read more about Young Albert (and the family that loved (cough) him.) :-)) I love these!! I was not familiar with Stanley Holloway...but what a great trilogy! I smiled and laughed....Thank you so much for sharing.

  4. Hello, I popped over to tell you how much I have enjoyed your poems or Stanley's poems, they still made me chuckle. So hello, and I am so happy to find another site that makes me smile. I love Granny's and I can tell that Janine and Jackie would highly recommend your site. Do you mind if I follow?
    Have a great Saturday....:-) Bernie

  5. All my best to you, my dear, dear friend...I will try not to be gone long...~Janine

  6. Great poem, good movie, fantastic of those that is now in my head and will be there for two days. :)


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