Jonah And The Grampus

Last night was the last Sam story, regrettably.
However there are some miscellaneous ones left including this favorite.

JONAH AND THE GRAMPUS
by Marriott Edgar (1937)

I'll tell you the story of Jonah,
A really remarkable tale;
A peaceful and 'umdrum existence 'e 'ad,
Until one day 'e went for a sail.

The weather were fine when 'e started,
But later at turn of the tide,
The wind started blowing, the water got rough,
And Jonah felt funny inside.

When t'ship started pitching and tossing,
Jo' tried hard 'is feelings to smother,
At last 'e just 'ung 'is 'ead over the side.
And one thing seemed to bring up another.

When sailors saw what 'e were doing,
It gave them a bit of a jar;
They liked to see trippers enjoying theirselves,
But thought this 'ere were going too far.

Said one, "Is there nowt we can think on,
To stop you from feelin' so bad ?"
And Jonah said, "Aye, lift me over the side
And chuck me in, there's a good lad."

The sailor 'e weren't one to argue,
'E said, "Happen you know what's best."
So 'e picked Jo' up by the seat of 'is pants,
And chucked 'im in, as per request.

A Grampus came up at that moment,
And seeing as Jo' were 'ard set,
It swam alongside 'im and open'd its mouth,
And said, "Come in, lad, out of the wet."

Its manner were kindly and pleading,
As if to say R.S.V.P."
Said Jonah, "I've eaten a kipper or two,
But I never thought one would eat me."

The inside of Grampus surprised 'im,
'Twere the first time 'e'd been behind scenes;
'E found 'commodation quite ample for one
Though it smelled like a tin of sardines.

They went cruising over the water,
And Jonah were filled with delight;
With 'is eye to the blow-'ole in t'Grampus's 'ead,
‘E watched ships that passed in the night.

"I'm weary of watching," said Jonah,
"I'll rest for a minute or so."
"I'm afraid as you won't find your bed very soft,"
Said the Grampus - "I've got a hard roe."

A whale-boat came up at that moment,
Said Jonah, "What's this 'ere we've
struck ?"
"They're after my blubber," the Grampus replied,
"You'd best 'old tight while I duck."

The water came in through the blow-'ole
And caught Jonah's face a real slosher.
'E said, "Shut your blow-'ole!" and Grampus replied,
"I can't, lad - it wants a new washer."

Jo' tried 'ard to bale out the water,
But found that 'is take were in vain,
For as fast as 'e emptied slops out through the gills
They came in through the blow-'ole again.

When at last they came to the surface,
Jo' was reading 'is accident policy;
'E put down 'is reading and took a look out
And found they was grounded off Wallassey.

Said Grampus, "We're in shallow water,
I've brought you as far as I may;
If you sit on the blow-'ole on the top of my 'ead
I'll spout you the rest of the way."

So Jonah obeyed these instructions,
And the Grampus 'is lungs did expand,
Then blew out fountain which lifted Jo' up
And carried 'im safely to land.

There were tears in their eyes when they parted,
And each blew a kiss, a real big 'un.
Then t'Grampus went off with the swish of 'is tail,
And Jonah walked back home to Wigan.